I wanted to desperately start the day today with cricket. So, I had everything planned. I had mailed the captain of my team that I would be playing today’s 6.30AM match. At 6.16AM I woke up. My captain had sent mails saying he didn’t want his players to come later than 6:29:59 AM. By the time I found my pyjamas (cricket wala), T-shirt and shoes (did I tell you the last time I used them? I found a cozy family of spiders and their little web there. But not to worry I wore my socks (and they were washed yesterday (and I won’t start another stream of nested brackets because I will get confused though my readers are intelligent I know))) and arrived at the ground at 6.50AM.
My captain on seeing me with his eyes fixed on my paunch, “Well, err… ahem… we waited Adi. We waited for a long time”
Uh-oh, what does that mean? You have dropped me for coming late?
My captain continued, ” We waited waited and finally called up a few people to come in and play. But don’t worry we can fit you into the 14″
What??! What??! What??! I mean ‘What??!!’
I just said, “Ok”.
Ali was sitting next to my captain, “No probs Adi. No probs. No probs. No probs. Hey Rahul (my captain), enna da, only 5 of us are here. We can surely include him too. I don’t think we’ll ve a problem. No probs Adi”
No probs yeah! No play, no probs!
I was just loitering around the pitch where a few people were generally fighting with the bat and a few with the ball and pretending to practice for the match. Our team players slowly started trickling in. And in five minutes, we were on. The match had started.
Someone from the bowling (opposition team, we had supposedly won the toss that I missed being a witness to by virtue of my punctual nature) team shouted “Leg umpire yaar da? Leg umpire? ”
Since I was feeling uncomfortable that I will be dropped and might have to sit with my team with a long face, I ran to be the leg umpire. Also, in our side of the country, leg umpires get to bat as soon as there is a fallen wicket!
Match began. After first over, we were 0 for 2. The bowler didn’t seem very penetrative or anything, but both my team batsmen were clean bowled and made the bowler look like Mohammed Asif (the Pak bowler who gets Tendulkar everytime and is right now nursing some injury and is out of the Champions trophy). My captain still didn’t call for me. For the uninitiated (which means everyone!), I am more of a batsman than of a bowler because I don’t like rotating my arms like mad!
Second over up, we were 3 for 5. This bowler who looks like a bonsai version of Adnan Sami (Ok, that means he is still huge, anyways let’s continue with my nonsense and oh yeah if you don’t know who he is then that simply means you are heavily outdated with your information system on Bollywood) and bowls slower than Venkatapathy Raju (he was chosen as a National Selector from the South Zone and was talking about reviving spin bowling in India. Kumble and Harbhajan are probably the best ever that India has produced. What’s he talking about anyway?). But here it was the pitch that was telling us that “You have stamped me enough number of times, now see what I do to your batsmen”. One guy was bowled off a ball that just never got up after bouncing and another guy was caught unaware by a ball that pitched at the same spot as the fomer but rose like a Brett Lee perfume ball and hit his bat and flew high into the air where even an airhostess would have caught it (Ok. Where’s Sidhu btw? Not to be seen on any news channel. Did he murder another guy now for not giving him enough lassi?)
Still no call from my captain. I was doing my job and wanted to walk off the field saying that Rahul forfeited the match by not making his star batsman turn up on his field. Ok, I know I am going by the recent happenings, but then I haven’t had a hair-cut in a long time! For those of you wondering where that came from, refer my previous posts. Good way of increasing your “Hits” counter, right?! ;)
After the third over, we were still something for 5. That was because Ali had taken guard and was seriously guarding the stumps with all he had. He even got hit on his hamstring muscle (Go find out where that muscle is which most of our cricketers seem to be pulling! VVS Laxman recently pulled it and with that pulled out all chances of his getting back into the ODI team). Ali could have taken guard leaving the bat with me if you ask me. But he hit two beautiful shots worth million dollars. If only he could play like that more often. Oh my, that means I don’t get to bat if he continues to play like that.
During the fourth over, there was a ball that rose from the pitch as if it was one of those balls from the Sony Mobile phone ad and hit Ali’s bat which was close to 2 feet above his head (I don’t know why he took the bat there for that delivery, whereas he could have just stood as he was doing for all the previous deliveries and he would have survived) and flew to the first slip (the one who stands next to the wicket keeper (the one wearing all those funky gear and sitting like you would see people sitting on a railway track early in the mornings) and is positioned like he is catching the droppings from a cow). They caught the dropping err… ball and appealed. I mean what were they appealing for?! He was out! He should have walked (Like Tendulkar who walks even when he is not out). I didn’t signal anything because I was sleeping through the proceedings. And was having a sheepish grin on my face when they all came towards me with frantic appeals. Ali was walking. Ok, he is Tendulkar. Leave me alone. My captain was at the other end, he just shouted at Ali saying, “No ball ra athu. Adi it is a noball da” Then the opposition procession proceeded towards Rahul. Rahul said, “Leg umpire sollittrikkan paarunga” By then, I woke up and said, “It’s a noball” Something told me that it was going to be my turn to bat next and hence I should rule this as an okay ball and get going with my batting dreams. Yes, I am a devil. Main batting ke liye kuch bhi kar sakta hun!
The opposition captain who was the fielder in the first slip who had taken the catch knew that it was a no-ball, but he kept on insisting. He was showing both his hands near his chest holding an imaginary bat indicating that the ball was chest-high and was not high enough to be deemed a noball. After a little argument, Ali said, “Sari da. Vidunga da. Noball ille da” and walked off the pitch.
Then Rahul said, “Adi come in. We have 16 more overs to bat. Bat slowly and steadily. Just stand there and runs will come”
Why do you need a batsman as worthy as I am for the task then, I thought!
I defended my first delivery of the innings beautifully. I never spotted the ball. Did the ball go through the off-side or the leg-side? I had no clue. By the time I came out of the yogic pose I had landed into attempting to defend the ball (I had decided at 6.50AM that I was going to defend the first ball I faced today) the keeper had thrown the ball to the bowler and he was back at the beginning of his run-up for his final delivery of the over. By the way, do you know the Golden Rule in cricket? Last ball of every over, if you are on strike, take a single or three-runs. So that you get to face the first ball of the next over too. Ab dekho bhai, itna to exercise karna padega. Muft main batting koi nahin deta is duniya main!
As the bowler ran into the bowl the significant delivery I was in two minds whether to run or to hit and in the dilemma, I missed (Did I hear someone say as usual?) the ball. Thankfully the aim of the bowler was slightly bad. He missed the stumps by a few centimetres. I wanted to go and hug him for having allowed to me to stay on.
Next over, first ball, my captain – Rahul – took a brisk single. Please note: He was brisk. It was a big risk for me. I tried hard to run. Succeeded by the grace of the fielder who was also probably wondering whether we will make enough runs for him to get to bat when his turn comes. So, wanting to bat, he allowed me to reach the crease safely.
This was my third delivery of the day and I was supposed to be seeing the ball better. And I can tell you that I didn’t know whether the ball was green or yellow or brown in colour because I am colour blind. Please don’t read it as a reason that I am giving for whatever happened the next ball. I am really colour blind, ask my wife if you want. She will happily vouch for it! Anywas, the ball was delivered and I played my most stylish defense shot ever and the ball actually touched the bat. That sound of timber hitting the ball is so sweet. Hey wait! Did I hear another sound similar to this one?! But I didn’t hit the ball twice, so what was that? Huh? Why are the keeper and bowler rejoicing? Why is my captain calling out to Krishna to come in?
The commentary on TV (where it would be telecasted) would have been somewhat like this, “Another day in the glowing career of Cracker Ducker Adi. Another brilliant three-ball innings. He doesn’t waste much time at the crease. Gets going the moment he comes. Fortunate for his team that he didn’t stay for long at the crease. They will field for a much shorter time now”
We were bundled out for 21. The opposition team made 22 runs by the time I could take my position at long-off (where I actually held onto a catch, but it was from the adjoining pitch. There are generally multiple matches happening on the same ground).
After the match I ran home as I was getting late for office. Yes, we work on Saturdays. And any of you asks me that again, I will … I don’t know what I will do! So, you better not put me into such thinking positions!
My wife, “Adi, so you are back. Take bath carefully today atleast. Apply shampoo to your hair and some soap to your body please. Don’t come out within 5 minutes like every other day! Okay?!”
Me says, “Ok” while shaving.
Then I go and take the bath of the year because it’s my bath day today err… birthday!
