There are some things that…

June 1st, 2007 · 10 Comments

We were planning a gala get-together within our first and closest circle of friends. It was also meant to be a celebration of a landmark in our relationship - the 10th year of our meeting. Few of us have become husbands and fathers while the rest are looking to enter this stage. The planning was going on with great pace and enthusiasm over emails because each of us is in a different corner of the World. Just then an email came that threw everyone keenly involved in the process into the thinking mode. It was always assumed that we were all still the same. It never occured to us that someone might have changed over these years.

During the best times that we spent together (unfortunate I have to say that the best is behind us, but I want to be proven wrong) we never differentiated between each other’s things. No, that does not mean that we used each other’s innerwear! One of us had a Sony Walkman and we never hesitated in using it when we needed. It really didn’t matter who it belonged to. And the person who owned it didn’t mind if it was being used by someone else. It didn’t belong to him, it belonged to us. And it didn’t matter if it was a scooter, computer, house, watch, windsheeter or whatever. We were always proud of this combined ownership and truly believed that it existed even today; even today after ten years of distant togetherness, even today after our marriages, even today after our children are born, even today after we have learnt to earn what we want, even today after making hundreds of other valuable friends (lucky to have them), even today after acquiring various things of social value and even today what distinguished us from all these was that we always had an ownership over each other or so we thought.

All of a sudden when that ownership is questioned under the veil of “practical thinking”, a sting of insensitivity hits us. We are left wondering if all those days of living together was all a farce. All of a sudden it is assumed that it is difficult for me to host few friends who I value more than anything in this world. And the problem is that it is exactly these friends who assumed such things under the garb of having a logical mindset. I was asked not to get emotional about such stuff. Tell me, all of you, is this getting emotional? If someone has changed altogether and we continue to expect the same from them that they were years before, is it getting emotional? Will it be oh-so-practical of me to say “Of course, you are right. Hosting all of you is such a pain in my house. Imagine with all the water problems and all that how can I make you comfortable? It is a problem”?

There were times when I used to just drop into your house without even asking you and I considered it a right of mine. There are times when I used your vehicle as if it were mine without thinking twice. There are times when you have done the same with me. What has changed now? It is beyond my comprehension. An addition of our wives and my son made such a difference to your way of thinking about me? I hope this is just an aberration in our relationship and not an indication of how things are going to be in the future.

This might have been called an emotional outburst if not for the hours of thinking that went behind composing this post. And this is not a rant, this is just a realisation that has dawned on me that I was the one who was being foolish(?) all the while whereas others had moved on to being more mature and practical. Sorry. There are somethings that I can never understand. And I am this way only. Never remember being any different.

Tags: Serious thoughts · Personal

10 responses so far ↓

Veena Shivanna // Jun 2, 2007 at 3:56 am

Adi, When I started reading the post I thought you would tell us some nostalgic moments that you had etc., Later realised that it was just a foreward!!
sometimes situations makes it this way, great people have told ‘Changes is the rule of nature’

Hotel nalli sikkidre aagirodu adyaake istond tension ? Different corners of the world andralla, Microsoft Net Meeting try maadi:-)
Ganesh Kumar // Jun 2, 2007 at 7:53 am

Adithya,
Sent an e-mail to your n.aditya@gmail.com account.Check it.
Hemanth // Jun 2, 2007 at 8:56 am

Hi Adi, this is the first time I’m visiting your website. And I was accosted by this article which reminded me of a saying that I read in one of those thousand ppts that visit my inbox as forwards.
It said ‘You don’t have to change friends if you realise that friends change’
Well it’s sad if friends change, but sometimes incorrect usage of words too can cause havoc.
Anyways, hope you have a successful get together.
vamC // Jun 2, 2007 at 10:51 am

I was wondering that might have encountered this situation, and it was only after reading Veena’s Comment that i realized it was actually a forward . Haaa huge relief !!!
Things get really worse when such situations happen among friends.
I dont have to tell you this , however
Trust me! i will never ever take a chance of me falling under such bracket of friends :-)
sureshsk // Jun 2, 2007 at 12:26 pm

I know how it feels when you are asked to ‘get practcial’. All that proximity that used to be there with the concerned parties suddenly vanishes. U suddenly slip in to a phase of serious retrospection, only to be left baffled and wondering about what went wrong. I bet u too did the same…

As u told, that distant togetherness also ends!! U were not getting emotional adi. That’s what I felt after reading this post!!
Veena Shivanna // Jun 3, 2007 at 7:52 am

VamC, I said foreward.. meaning ‘peetike’ in kannada.. A reference story to start something actual…! :-)
Mysorean // Jun 3, 2007 at 10:10 am

Veena:
Good you clarified. Even I thought you classified this as a “forward”. Now I know what you meant! :)

Hemanth:
“sometimes incorrect usage of words too can cause havoc.”
How true!
And thanks for your wishes! :)

VamC:
I know you will never fall into that bracket ra. Even if you do I will come and drill some sense into your head. Right now, the situation is so sad because I don’t think that person is even open to listening to me about this. Before I can speak anything it is assumed that I am either going to be emotional or impractical! Kya karen bata yar! Feeling very bad.

Sureshsk:
Amazing! You just put down in words what I felt. Amazing!
KP // Jun 4, 2007 at 4:19 am

Adi, maga i understand how you feel and we have had a discussion on this too. I personally believe that e-mails and chat messages do not contain emotions, because they are just text messages. I also wish and pray that this is just an aberration. Trust me, “being practical and rational” at all times does not work. At times you need to be emotional. Amongst us, i believe we share a lot of emotion. We over a period of time have been able to blend emotion and rational thinking well. I am sure this is just an aberration and will be set right once we all meet face to face…..Till then please take my advice - Do not break your head to an extent, from where changing the mindset would be difficult. Take it as a passing remark which was not intended to cause any hurt to you….. By the way Sam & I are planning to visit you next weekend….Hope you can host us at your place in Chennai (howzzaaaat???)!!!!!
Rama R. Iyer // Jun 4, 2007 at 10:28 am

You are welcome. :)

Thanks for the visit and comment, whatever be the reason ..
Mysorean // Jun 4, 2007 at 10:28 pm

KP:
Your advice is taken in the right sense and spirit. But I am sure that at this point of time, there is someone else who needs your advice more than me!

Rama. R. Iyer:
Thanks to you too! :)

Mysorean