Watched this movie ‘Santhosh Subramaniam’ yesterday. Its a tamil remake of the telugu blockbuster “Bommarillu“. Here is a feel-good review about the movie. I am not sure it is so pleasant to sit through, but it is okay. The point of bringing it up here is that I wanted to discuss the concept of the movie. I liked the fundamental idea of how an over-caring parent can actually affect the childrens’ lives. Though I have certain differences in the way I think reality pans out and the way the movie does. The discussion here is not about the movie. I just want to pick the concept and start a thread here on it.
Parents, some of them, do not realise that they are overstepping their roles under the garb of ‘caring for their children’. In fact overstepping would be the wrong term to use. They would cease to be parents when they don’t understand what’s the best interests of their children. There are some parents I know who always are with their children, physically present I mean. As absurd and practically impossible as it might sound, I know some of them who do this. A manifestation of this is seen in the mentality of the parents while deciding on sending their children out of station for studies. That child has to make a living on his/ her own and you need to give him/ her the best possible education. If the best means outside the city you are staying in, then so be it. What is the big deal? The kid will stay outside your shelter during his/ her formative years and will learn to deal with the world on his/ her own terms. This will help the kid become a much better person. Why can’t parents understand this?
I know a father of two who had to send his younger daughter for her MBA to a city that’s around 300+ kilometers away from his home city. He reacted as if the daughter was being pushed into the dungeons knowingly. It took me quite some time to convince him and then his wife started off with her usual “She is a kid, will she be able to manage?” kind of stuff. Well, I told them, its precisely why she should be sent there so that she will learn to manage. Manage herself, her friends, her stuff, and pretty much everything that relates to her. Hostel life is something that teaches you what you need to do yourself to become successful in life. And such overprotective parents really affect the development of the child. Today the child can walk into a railway station all alone, spot her train, get into it and reach the destination without any pangs of pressure. Just ask her mother to do it – she cant travel alone even to save her life! Even her dad (the mother’s dad) is not sure if she will reach the destination for which she is seated in the train! And she wants to bring her daughter up to become like her.
Some parents just take it as their right to direct their children even after marriage. This is specific to parents of daughters! They want their daughters and their families to stay with them for the rest of their lives. The reason that they will give you if you ask is that they want to play around with the grandchildren. Oh sure, but why is it so difficult to go over to your daughter’s home and do the same? But they won’t do it. They would prefer it if their daughter and the family go over to their house. The underlying thing is that they believe that their daughter will be more ‘comfortable’ in their house than in her own house. First of all they will bring up their children as if they were made of butter or something and would melt if they ventured out under the sun and they want to keep them inside the refrigerator for the rest of their lives. Great! Don’t get them married please and ruin the life of the spouse. The spouse might not be a refrigerator person you know!
Then there is this trend of dropping and picking up the child from college! Please note I said College. The word in itself is synonymous with freedom for me. But here the father will go himself or if he can afford a car and also affords a driver then the child will be picked from there and brought home safely. Don’t you know there are hundred accidents happening on the roads of our cities every day? How ignorant of you! Has the child heard of the thrill of driving? Well, yeah sure to learn driving you need to kiss the road once or twice. But after that phase have you ever realised how much independence driving gives a person? This independence really makes the child kiss the sky! How much does it take for the parents to realise that independence can really help their child grow? Become more responsible. If you think he/ she is going to use it to go down the other side of things, then that reflects on the upbringing and the atmosphere in which the child is growing up. There is a definite check required then. But please don’t use that as a pretext to shield your child so much that the child can never open its eyes when exposed to the sun. The child should learn to face the sun knowing what it is.
Picking this one from the trend shown in the movie – the father gives the son what he likes and not what the son likes. Generally, as far as I have seen, this happens with a slightly different twist. The father gives the son more than what the child requires even before the child can ask for it. This gives rise to two things: The child never understands what its wants/ needs are. And two, the child will assume that it will always get what it wants and more. The latter can be very high-cost damage when life decides to expose reality to the child. Life is not always giving – it takes away more than what it gives – why would you die otherwise?! :) And the first point leaves the child in an extremely confused state of mind for the rest of its life trying to decide between what it likes and also how it will come to him/her or how much… So many questions will pop up in the mind that the child will stop thinking about it. And this act of the parent also screws around with the value system majorly.
I guess I have used the movie as a good platform to put my views out on these select topics. Don’t know whether they are right or wrong. Feel free to add/ crticise in the comments section.
There are sensible parents too. You seem to be talking about a subset of parents that exists for sure. I have seen some from close quarters.
Parenting has becoming a big thing now a days. what I mean is, Earlier things were so implicit and our parents used to do their act as a very natural process without being so consious about each and every corner. I am blessed to have liberal parents who made me learn the ‘value’ of money, people, time etc., and of course, even if they can afford.. Children should be let to realise the actual ‘value’ of anything that they want to posses.
I see that lot of us are consiciously doing all these , hope we get this as a normal process like how our parents did it.
Good Post Adi and a contemporary one! Is there a hindi version of the movie? I cannot understand either Telugu or Tamil :-(
prabhakar:
Agree! :)
Veena Shivanna:
Hindi version illa kaNree! inna Anil Kapoor kaNNige biddilla ee movie ansutte! LOL! DVD togondu english subtitles hakkonDu noDi bekidre. It’s a film that’s a must-watch for all those people who are parents!
Came here through Niveditha’s blog. I agree wholeheartedly with this post. It was as if you’d written my mind.
Lively:
Thanks for stopping by! Glad you agree. We must form some sort of an association because the number of people who agree to this post are easily outnumbered by the number of people who think that this is ‘trash’!