T&T, can you keep our cricket team please?

Greg! Run for your life! We don’t want another Woolmer!

Dravid, please resign on moral grounds. We don’t have any other captain material though. But you are still our best bat!

Sachin, I don’t know who you let down more? Your fans or yourself?

Ganguly, you have made your two half-centuries. So you will be around for the next series. Good. That will keep some Bengalis silent for sometime. Unless, Tata Motors decides otherwise that is.

Yuvraj, what’s the use of being in form if you run like a blind horse? 

Dhoni, 0, 29, 0. Is the foundation to your new house through Sir? Take my advice, don’t build those walls. You will anyway have to reconstruct them!

Sehwag, duh!

Harbhajan, the only flight that you know is that one which takes you back to India from the West Indies, right? (Are you really coming back to India? I mean safety is also a concern, eh? What say?)

Munaf, what were you smiling about on the pitch while batting, Bradman? 

Zaheer, whenever you bowl the first over badly I get those jitters! There is something called “warm-up”, I am sure Greg has spoken to you about it.

Uthappa, ayta guru Dravid ge aa beer kudisidya? (Uthappa, did you get Dravid those beers you promised?)  

Inspiration for the title: The best poster at yesterday’s match was held by an Indian. It said, ”T&T can you keep our cricket team, please”

The World Cup 2007

Countdowns are ticking away. Teams are getting ready. Everyone’s writing about it. There’s nobody who doesn’t know about it unless he/ she is staying outside India! There’s no team to bet our money on. I am not betting on any team today. But let me atleast list down my favourites. And the difference between the top and bottom on the list is almost nothing.

Australia, the traditional favourites, are on a losing streak and are presently a team of patients. Symonds, their best player, is injured. And they are a worried lot. They are talking all kinds of nonsense of making 500 runs in a single innings. Yeah, right, if you have teams like Bermuda, Scotland, etc. am sure the nonsense will enter into the records book. Whatever it is, I am not going to bet on Australia. But they still are my top favourite to win the cup. Yet again.

Australia’s line-up is still formidable. But they have lost that overwhelming feeling that would come over the opponent just on knowing that their opponent was going to be Australia. Every team now believes that they can beat Australia. And that’s what has made this World Cup the most open tournament ever in the history of international cricket.   

South Africa are the #1 ODI team on paper. Their reputation for choking precedes their talent unfortunately. There is no doubt about their talent, but it’s the nature of pitches that they will get to play on that actually brings them down to being the second favourite. Any average spinner like Jayasuriya, Sehwag or even Tendulkar can bring this team on their knees on the West Indian pitches. They are on a roll and hence they might reach the semis on momentum but by technique and character they will not last the full race.      

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The best ever

Any doubts anybody?

WI in India | First ODI

I didn’t see it. Neither did I see the 175* by Kapil Dev during the 1983 World Cup against Zimbabwe after India was tottering at 17 for 4.

And I rate both the misses on the same scale. Missing to watch Ganguly make 98 especially when Krishnamachari Srikkanth described the knock on CNN-IBN as ‘He (Ganguly) was in full flow’ is a great miss. Ganguly is a treat to watch when he gets going on Indian pitches. And as Dravid says he set India up for victory. Well, maybe. But I didn’t see it.

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Racism and cricket

The recent two-test match ban on Gibbs is an apt illustration of how the cricketing world reacts to racism. The cricket authorities call it zero tolerance.

The spectators were troubling Gibbs’ teammates and he did the right thing as any team-man (especially senior ones) would do by pepping his teammates up with a little language and attitude. In fact I have no idea what he said except that it was “a bunch of bloody animals” plus some more racist slur as they chose to call it. If team SA got fired up that way then good for them and those of us who are intellectually inclined can go on for hours trying to debate the positives and negatives of that strategy of inspiration.

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Blow hot, blow cold – that’s Indian Express

Mahesh Bhupathi and Leander Paes, unarguably, the most successful Indian duo to have graced the Indian tennis scene. They could have been the best ever the sport has seen had they not had a few personal problems. Yet as a team on the court they gave their 100%. The team event at Doha being an exception in a wonderful victories-studded career.

Sadly, the only match which they lost has brought the pair’s personal problems out in the open. Apparently, Leander questioned Mahesh about his ability & fitness to play for the country after the loss at the team event. As a captain, Leander might have done his duty but then questioning Mahesh’s commitment should have never come up. Mahesh has been a bright beacon for Indian tennis alongwith his compatriot Leander. If Leander thinks that by being the captain he gets the right to question Mahesh’s commitment then he is wrong.

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157, 106, 80 and _ _

If you have just written CAT, then you will be thinking on the lines of arithmetic progression or geometric progression or some such math stuff. Anyway, those blanks will get filled on 3rd December. Get it now?

Except for the first match, we had South Africa in our grip in the last two matches. I think the margins are not entirely a reflection of how well our bowlers have done. 76/6 and 154/6 are dream situations to be in against a team of South Africa’s calibre. In fact, I don’t think they are a team of very great calibre. They have a good set of bowlers who can be quite a handful on a friendly pitch. And that’s about it.

In this particular series what has happened is this: Ball rises above blue pyjamas, blue t-shirt is scared. Bat comes in handy as a tool for self-defense. Helmet which is worn for saving your head is used as a black box for recording the information. And also used for adding to the total through accidental leg byes. The master blaster had come with arm guard, chest guard, elbow guard, and what not! Thank God, he didn’t come with his usual Z level security guards! ;)

On the bowling front: Zaheer Khan bowls incisive first spells to create inroads into the SA batting lineup. At the other end, we have the awful Agarkar/ pathetic Pathan (inspired from here) combination striving to negate whatever little Zaheer Khan has gained. Kumble and Harbhajan are our saviours anyday. Bhajji wasn’t given a fair deal and so weren’t many other people. So, let’s leave this at that!

Overall while our bowling lacked in finishing skills, and our batting – neither would it start nor sustain nor wag at the end. We needed one person in our batting lineup to just be there for the entire 50 overs. (Overheard: When entire 11 people couldn’t sustain for the 50 overs where is the question of one guy being there?!) Well, ahem… err…

With Laxman back in the side for the final ODI, let’s hope he conjures up some magic and pulls one back in our favour. Highly improbable though.

Breaking News: Saurav recalled for test team. Laxman named Vice-captain (??)

The team:

Virender Sehwag, Wasim Jaffer, Mahendra Singh Dhoni (wk), Dinesh Karthik (wk), Sourav Ganguly, VVS Laxman (vice-capt), Rahul Dravid (capt), Sachin Tendulkar, Gautam Gambhir, Munaf Patel, Zaheer Khan, Sreesanth, VRV Singh, Irfan Pathan, Anil Kumble, Harbhajan Singh.

Source: http://content-ind.cricinfo.com/rsavind/content/current/story/270425.html 

India: Injured before the war

The injury list before our match against Australia:

1. Munaf Patel
2. Ajit Agarkar
3. Yuvraj Singh

I am not much bothered about Ajit Agarkar, good riddens in fact! But I want both Munaf and Yuvraj to get back into the squad. Neither Kaif nor D. Mongia is a good enough replacement for this talented young chap.

Sreesanth is replacing Agarkar. That’s a great move. But do we really have place for this Kerala fast bowler? Depends on the pitch. Based on my 11, we will have to go with Powar if the pitch assists spinners or with Sreesanth otherwise. In any case, I feel Sreesanth is a good prospect for India. A potential spearhead of our pace attack. With Pathan repeatedly biting the dust, he would be the ideal partner to Munaf with the new ball.
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Pakistan, as expected, did play to their lowest potential. Makhaya Ntini bowled amazingly well at the beginning though at the end he was predictable with his deliveries pitching outside the off stump and coming into the batsman at chest height. Umar Gul showed Ntini what was wrong.

I didn’t understand a word of what Younis Khan spoke at the post-match awards function. Why couldn’t they speak in urdu/ hindi? I mean it was Rameez Raja who was compering, it would have been nice to know what Younis thought of his batsmen. Beats me! English needn’t be the de facto standard.
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Today’s match: Eng-WI.

I would love it if England thrashed WI. Considering the present form, it looks highly likely that the vice-versa will happen.

Already WI is 75/1 (16th over). A good total of around 250+ will give them the much-needed batting practice ahead of their semi-final with New Zealand at Mohali.
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The Indian squad to South Africa will be announced at Mohali after the Ind-Aus match on October 30th (Cricinfo is carrying an error in their headline). Good chance for the youngsters to prove themselves and come up trumps. An additional carrot to perform well apart from the fact that they will sail into the semis if they can beat Australia. My pick would be this:

1. Rahul Dravid
2. Sachin Tendulkar
3. Anil Kumble (Please pick him. He needs some match practice before the WC ‘07)
4. Virendra Sehwag
5. Yuvraj Singh
6. Suresh Raina
7. Dinesh Mongia
8. Mohammed Kaif
9. Mahendra Singh Dhoni
10. Dinesh Karthick (He has proved himself in the domestic matches)
11. Harbhajan Singh
12. Irfan Pathan
13. Munaf Patel
14. Sreesanth
15. V.R.V. Singh
16. Zaheer Khan

Champions Trophy | India Vs. themsleves

“India were defeated by West Indies but not disgraced”, to quote my favourite Mr. Sidhu. We didn’t lose the match when we scored only 223. We didn’t lose the match when Raina dropped Gayle. We didn’t lose the match when R.P.Singh misfielded what should have been a single. We didn’t lose the match when Lara hit his solitary boundary. We were in with a chance when it was 6 needed off 6. And it was all on one man – Mr. Agarkar. Why on earth would anyone bowl a ball short and wide on the offside without having a sweeper in place? Stupid. This man bowled as if he had no match experience at all.

Anyways, it would be very stupid on my part to blame this man alone for this defeat. I should in fact blame WI for bringing me to blame my bowler of the last over of the innings, whereas this match should have been over within 40 overs itself! If we take Bhajji out of the equation, then I guess we would have seen that happen. If Dravid had instead persisted with Irfan Pathan to complete his spell, we would have seen the match end within 35 overs itself! Our new (or is he old now?) #3 batsman and #1 bowler failed on both accounts in this match. To me, this was the crucial link that led to the failure of the chain.

With Pathan being persisted at #3 by the coach and captain, the point to be noted is that: we understand you have your reasons behind doing it, but then it is not yielding the desired results. It is not that he has performed exceedingly well and India has continued to lose because of other technical reasons. His average at #3 is 24.93 [Source: Yesterday's extraaa innings programme (number of "a"s correct?)] and for a #3 batsman that’s quite embarassing. He has been given 11 chances at that position with maybe two or three fifties. Not really worth the effort. Please get back to using him as a trump card, not as a regular step.

Thinking of it from another perspective, that of Chappell-Dravid combine, I guess they are thinking of the “sacrifice”-trap that is used in chess. “Sacrifice”-trap means to sacrifice a piece of yours to open up the defence of the opposition and then attack with all your force. With due regards to the experience of the duo I think that kind of moves should be restricted to board games and mind games like chess. Please don’t sacrifice an excellent bowler and a decent batsmen like this. A rethink is suggested.

There have been fingers raised at Sehwag. But that’s the way this idiot plays. And I think he was going good against the Windies when one came back sharply and kept a little low. It’s not the kind of delivery you expect the only-Indian-batsman-to-have-a-triple-hundred-to-his-name to get out to, but then he is going through a bad patch and I strongly feel we need to persist with him. 18 months since he scored a hundred is fine. In fact, we don’t need him to score a hundred. If he can score a quickfire 40-50, we are off to a flier and the stage is set for the likes of Yuvraj, Dhoni, Raina and Pathan to come in and consolidate a 300+ total.

My team against Australia would be this:

1. V. Sehwag
2. S. Tendulkar
3. Yuvraj Singh
4. R. Dravid
5. D. Mongia
6. S. Raina
7. M.S. Dhoni
8. I. Pathan
9. R. Powar
10. Harbhajan Singh
11. Munaf Patel

(The fifth bowler can be shared among Sehwag, Tendulkar, Yuvraj and Mongia)

I have dropped Agarkar. You could drop Pathan as well and keep Agarkar. But the Aussies would really cream Agarkar. Especially Ponting (who is due for a big score) loves Agarkar’s juicy half volleys bowled at a pace that is really not life-threatening. And Pathan can atleast swing a bit. So, that’s a gamble. I would have loved to have Anil Kumble against the Windies as well as Australia.

Needless to say that our batting needs to get its act together. Hoping (as ever!) for a Sharjah-repeat by Sachin Tendulkar against the Aussies.

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Coming to today’s match of Pakistan Vs South Africa. The quarterfinal of the other group.

Betting on Pakistan would be stupidity. They are so mercurial in their temperament, that I had rather call mercury as being Pakistanial! Their performance against SL was as professional as unprofessional it was against NZ. If they can keep their batting steady against the SA bowling, then I guess they will score an easy victory. But their batting is what will decide who will win or lose. If you ask me, I don’t want the South Africans to win. I just don’t like the arrogance of that team despite being a distant second to Australia in everything. If they think that chasing 434 is enough for lifetime arrogance, then they are wrong.

Pakistan should go with their medium-pacers and spinners spearheading the attack. The SA’ns are good at playing fast bowling. Unfortunately they have no spinners worth talking about in their squad. And with a depleted fast bowling attack, they have no other option but to rely on medium pacers like Abdul(r?) Razzaq to do the job. Shoaib Mallik with his off-spin could be useful too.

This will be another match with scores in the range of 200 – 250, but unless you have the steely resolve of Windies to give the spectators’ their money’s worth, you should see SA coasting along easily.

My bet? Heart says Pakistan. Brain says South Africa. Let’s see.

About Champions and Narcissists

So far…
Yet another dismaying performance from England. After all the talk about Ashes and the build-up to it, they caved in so meekly that you were left wondering if it was an Australia-Zimbabwe match. Now after the NZ-SL and Eng-Aus matches, the average of the teams batting first has come down to 190. Must be an all-time low for a tournament on the Indian sub-continent. It must be something to do with the pitch. These teams cannot continuously take the average down.

Tomorrow’s match…
SA-SL. It’s a quarter final for SL. If they lose they will find themselves on an early flight to Colombo while If they win, then they will have to wait for the Pak-NZ match on 25th and Pak-SA match on 27th and hope that Pak beats both NZ & SA. Instead of getting into more confusion let me just say the group is still open.

For the SA-SL match, I am backing the Sri Lankans yet again. Motera is a pitch that is traditionally known to take some pace in the beginning and spin later on. If that happens and SL win the toss and elect to bowl, then they are set for a victory. Handling Murali on the turning track with a dew-covered ball is going to be impossible for the inept SA batting line-up. Anyway, as Sidhu says If “ifs” and “buts” were “pots” and “pans” then there would be no tinkers! (If anyone knows what it means, do let me know. I used it because it sounded good! But I know that it talks something against this compulsive use of if’s and but’s to predict one’s own desire as the most practical outcome!)

And yesterday…
I watched this tamil movie called “Vallavan” which has Silambharasan acting and directing the flick. For the first time in my part-time career as a film critic I have come across someone who is more narcissistic than Kamal Hassan. Now, I don’t want all of you to pounce on me and say it is good to be a little narcissistic that’s when you can do great work. Well, I totally agree to that and for that I will quote every Kamal Hassan movie as proof (except maybe “Alavandan”).

Now coming to Narcissism gone haywire, welcome to the world of self-acclaimed Little Super Star Simbhu. He is mad. Crazy. Demented. He has just shot this movie to imitate Rajnikanth and Kamal Hassan and prove to himself that he is a divine combination of both of these. Also to take dirty below-the-belt potshots at S.J.Surya. [I am now shaking my head thinking of how Mr. S.J.Surya will now react to these!] “Vallavan” has been made so that Simbhu may kiss and fondle his ’supposedly’ real-life sweetheart Nayanthara (who is stunningly beautiful after losing that extra flab around her waist!). I don’t think she even allows this guy with an oversized head near him otherwise! Why was sweet-faced Sandhya needed? And why was Reema Sen made to look like a tramp even in a school dress? I pity producer Mr. Thenappan for investing on Simbhu and totally support him if he hasn’t paid Simbhu 40% of his fees. This movie will not run beyond the first 4 days and there is a possibility that Simbhu’s house maybe stoned after this!

Even scenes with potential are spoilt in the name of some non-existent style. For eg., the scene where Simbhu walks upto some guy (who looks like he has fallen off from some RGV Factory’s movie set) and advises him on how love should be treated and induced in a girl by love but not threatened. One thing I didn’t understand amidst the hundreds of screwed up things in the movie is: Why do the sidekicks always make this puking sound while being pulled around by the rope after being hit by our Little Super Star (my foot! little super star!)?!! I am actually surprised he didn’t name it “Simbhuvan”!

To top it all…
I watched this movie in a drive-in theatre in Chennai.

1. For starters, this guy doesn’t seem to have a cap on the capacity. He will allow as many cars as possible. And they will park themselves wherever they find it comfortable. There is nobody guiding these cars and I guess he never stops issuing the tickets.
2. The canteen is of no use. He has bhel-puri, cutlet, paneer roll and veg roll. Period.
3. I agree that as a theatre you have no control over lights that are lighting up the background behind the screen, but please switch off those lights (Ladies Toilet lights, canteen lights, etc.) or atleast find some way of covering it up so that it doesn’t disrupt the cinema-viewers experience.
4. Can you please strictly check the cars of those coming into the theater for alcoholic drinks? The car next to us was having beer and smoking away to glory. It (Beer can smell awful and the smoke made it claustrophobic) made our experience much worse than Simbhu intended to.
5. The sound system is pathetic. The Auto Drivers’ Stand next to my house hired better speakers for their Ayudha Puja celebrations. The frequency of sounds generated by your speakers would have been better intercepted by owls and bats! Save us, we are human beings!

Sathyam Cinema wins hands down on all accounts!